Early Mornings confession

The motherly sun streams through the arms of several skeletal branches. Green leaves bask in the glow of gamma rays, er, whatever rays are out there. Little leafy green lights illuminate an ogre in an orange shirt and black sport shorts. The projected pattern leaves a tiger like appeal. That ogre is me.

This oaf-y feeling always strikes me outdoors. I am in awe. The specifics, or the culprit for this awe eludes my detective mind, but the crime is still there. Outdoors is grand, it is liberating; freeing. I wonder if a mad scientist will one day isolate this gene too, so I can take different pills for different countries. Blue pill: sweden, red pill: harvard campus, yellow pill: grand canyon, which would i choose. Until then, I'll keep opening my front door, and keep taking a stroll.

C.S. Lewis, beloved by many, and pondered much by me, has said

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

There is a illustration there: that humans in our inept desires, and faulty senses, settle for much less than we should. God is behind the door, but we care not, we have our meager pile of rocks that will be our focus; our family. Our imaginations are too poor to dare for higher.

I find that in nature I am guilty of 2 crimes. I am both guilty of having no daring desires for a high exalted God and similarly puckered eyes and ears to nature around me. The sun brings no mystery, its luminous warmth is not felt. Calming chirping and murmurs of life is static on my selfish enclosed contemplation. The one thing technology, movies, and computers cannot do is smell, and I do not appreciate it! The smell of nature is perhaps some of the best!

How far have I fallen, or perhaps, I was always in the pit. May the lord have mercy upon me and repair ears, eyes, touch, smell, taste, and most importantly the spiritual heart in which to sense him. Or perhaps, may he give them to me for the first time.

1 John

2 Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

3 And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure.

And there it is. The secret of purity. Is there any man who is plagued and harried more than me? My purity has long left me at the first strong desire. As Romans ominously dictates, "No one seeks after God." I was no different. I am no different. I see selfishness frosting every word, every squeeze of my hands, and leading of my feet. And selfishness is the dessert of evil.

How then shall I purify this rotten and hollowed heart?

If I endeavor to use the bible, or to concentrate on issues, or to focus on the philosophical reasoning underlining human nature; all efforts are human. But what does 1 John prescribe?

Hope.

Hope in Christ Jesus, that his righteous is enough. Hope that we can't do it. Hope that it is finished. Hope that Jesus has bought us bodies of purity that will come to us. Hope that the holy spirit has been placed in our hearts to search for purity, for Christ, for God.

How does one endure in such a hope? 50 years seems impossible. hopes die young. Hopes of joy derived from Toys, people, or riches seem to dim within hours, if not years. Who will keep the fire of hope continuing? Christ! God our Father! The holy spirit!

We have been granted with a power that is not our own! It is beyond comprehension. In honor of that verse, I do not offer a solution that is consistent or thorough, I only offer what the bible offers me. Hope in Christ. Hope it is enough, live free. Should you not live this way, see the prison that you, my kind reader put yourself into.

John 1:1

"In the beginning was the word"

 

Some notes - there is a definite genesis reference, using a similar introduction.

"In the beginning, God created the heaves and the earth.."

"was"

The simplicity of the phrasing, "was the word" brings a feeling of infinite absoluteness. One of the problem verses is the "was" word. Is the "was" diminutive? In other words, is the "was the word" a past even that changes in accordance with time? The popular interpretation is "was continually". It is simply referring to a past reference of time.

"the word" - logos, or lagas

The assumed interpretation is that the "Word" is christ. This is only implied in the structure of the sentences, but not in any direct manner. The word is how we know people. The word is given by God so that we may know him. The word is not merely some knowledge or some static information. It is creative, it is powerful.

The important part of this line is to bring this solemn and deep feeling. Simple sentences with mystery built in command a certain reverence, and drippings of infinity and divinity.  

"The word was with God"

The greek comes out to something similar to "the word was towards God". As we take this verse, the word existed separate alongside God. This also rules out the word meaning "the being of God the father". This also rules out that the word is a byproduct from God somehow.

"the Word was God"

This is the confirmation that the word IS god also. It is the confirmation of the divine, and the classification is the same. This sentence is different than "God was the word". This sentence is a singularity. Meaning that all of God is fully in the Word. This is confirmation.

Old?

Lie once, the soul shatters, lie twice and tears will still fall, lie for a lifetime and you can be rich.

What is it about this universe! The law of diminishing returns is one heavy gangster. It makes bad men badder, and even haunts the good deeds to forgotten closets. It is as if a huge negative aura permeates, well, everything!

"One of my greatest fears is that I will grow cold like an iceberg ... (john piper)"
Similarly, I fear one day I will just not care. Not like some carefree, fun loving child, but more like a over-basted swine, sitting on some couch, immobilized by laziness and selfishness. Who can imagine such a ghastly existence?

I can.

Most far-fetched ideas appear too high on the shelf of life to even have a sphere of influence. Minuscule practice, little sins, or small good deeds count as small steps in a 5 mile long trail. But as our God would design things, the small things add up to the large ones. 38 years of lying will foster sores on our hearts, full of envy, secret motivations, and the puss of hypocrisy. How small our minds our.

Perhaps our prison is the very moment that we dwell, forgetting the past, and blind to the future. A villain is built over years, not over weeks. And how shall we know we are not the new countenance of human disaster and desire? Small thing after small thing on the balance will tip the scales and show us our true nature.

Romans 1

24Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.

Who then can be saved?
With men, it is impossible. How can we exceed our times? Remembering the old, the wise, and the previous. How do we exceed our nature, our very existence? How do we exceed the bondage to humankind? We cannot.

Praise be to God, who unlike mankind, lived in an amazing way we cannot comprehend, and died in love to God, and not to self. Amazing grace, amazing love, how can it be? Indeed.